Two Year Olds Inner Thoughts!!!!

Two year old's have the personality of a grown - up the capacity to learn at the rate of speed, but their energy levels are like pushing crack through your veins. They don't seem to understand that as we adults get older our energy levels aren't what they used to be. So when I say that crack kills I am seriously talking about the amount of energy one most have to keep up with and out smart a two year old. I swear someone needs to figure out the formula that it takes to bottle that crack up and sell it. I feel like I have aged like 40 years within the couple hours that I have hung out with my niece.

My two year old niece is very addictive but then there are moments where you want to give yourself a grown-up time out because you don't have the energy level nor the brain capacity to keep up with them anymore. They are a very interesting at that age because they are learning to say a lot more things but they still have that "Baby Talk" where they say something to you and you just look at them with this confused look on your face because if you say the wrong thing and don't know what the hell you are talking about you can get yourself into some serious trouble. I think since they are still at that age of knowing more then some give them credit for and then some that they minds have developed this secret language called "Adult Manipulation." They babble in that speak where you have no clue as to what they are talking about because they know you have no clue.

The inner workings of a two year old mind is very developed and very structured to certain things. As they get older is when they begin to loose that need to manipulate and begin to learn to understand when to cross the line of manipulation to given into their parents and their wishes. Being around a two year old is very interesting they have this way of just simplifying the hardest things and making the simplest things the hardest things. To be two again, would you go back????

The Faceless Beast

Anxiety is like a faceless stranger, it knocks on your door and becomes this unwanted guest that no matter how hard you try never seems to leave. He is this wondering shadow that attaches himself to your soul and grips you so tightly that you want to scream but you can't because you are being strangled from the inside out. You try to understand him, you try to manipulate him into believing that you have everything under control but he seems to know the truth. He hides within the core of your inner being and jumps out just because he can. The reason that so many suffer from anxiety isn't because they are weak, but because the faceless beast always seems to come to you in a surprise type of way. He is the gift that keeps on giving and no matter how many times you try to give that damn gift back his presence is still very much apart of you.

How can you survive when your inner core screams out for help, how do you go on when you are slowly being taken over by the faceless beast that holds more power to your survival then you thought possible? He has become that shadow in the distance that you try to avoid by putting on sun glasses, he is that noise in the back of your mind that you try to block out with loud music, he is the screams that keep you up at night that you try to fight off by pretending to sleep, for when you wake in the morning everything seems normal as can be, but he knows the truth. He knows that you are struggling to hold onto the sanity he allows you to have. He knows that you are not strong enough to fight him without the medicines of the world. He knows that one slip one day of feeling better is the advantage he needs to consume you all over again.

How can you be cured when there is no cure? The cure is you becoming stronger from the inside so that it can shine through to the out side. You become this ray of hope even though the depression of not being pulled under is so thick that you are in a fog and the high beams dont seem to work, and there are way too many obstacles in your way. You shout, you stomp your feet, and you cry. And that may elevate some of that strangle hold that the faceless beast has on you but he continues his fight for your life. And you continue to fight for your life and the ending...

Well ending is something I dont know since I am still struggle to stay afloat from my anxiety that has a hold on me, the faceless beast is a struggle that isnt just my demon to fight, the shadowy figure that disappears into the night air isnt just my faceless creature, but so many other face him too. Their ending is not the same as mine nor is their beginning but the struggle of this faceless demon, the beast that has a name of Anxiety, the creature that creeps up on you at any given moment is just like mine. We are a society of members in waiting. Waiting for that moment to be taken under, or that moment of clarity but either way, the faceless beast has a hold on me.

The Beast Within the Wedding

Has anyone ever wondered why the beast in us all seem to come out during weddings. We're like feisty little animals preparing for this special day like we are the ones that are going to be walking down the aisle. Let me just point out a few very important thinks when it comes to weddings. First, even though you aren't the ones getting married you feel just like the bride with regards to picking out your outfit, the shoes, and the accessories to go with it. It's like if you aren't perfect, the wedding wont be perfect. And I have to tell you no one will really care what you are wearing because you aren't the bride. But, maybe subconsciously you want to be. Second, finding the right gift also seems to become a pain in the ass. Why? you might ask, simple because the married couple to be seems to go on a lunatic shopping spree where they pick random stuff that they might and even might not need to see what their friends, family, and other people that they have invited to the wedding will get them. Now I love to shop for other people, and I am not cheap but I think stores and the married couple to be have lost their damn minds when you start charging $50 for 1 single plate, now that plate better be made of gold, be able to wash it self, and better not fade with each and every wash for me to spend $50 bucks for it. Third, getting ready to GO to a wedding is the most stressful seeing as though you seem to think that you have all this time in the world and bam the wedding is like 2 weeks away. Why do we as wedding goers seem to think we are getting married?? Simple because like the bride we want them to have a beautiful day something they will always remember. A wedding is like going to your senior prom, you get all dolled up, you have the dress, the make-up, the shoes, your hair is done, you have picked the prefect date. And bam the prom comes and the prom goes and as we know the prom dress is still in the back of our closet. Unlike brides maids, we can wear our outfits again but still our closets become the cave of the beast within us all. So many the question in us all should be why the hell do we unleash this beast for other people's weddings when in reality we are just guest???

Happy New Year

With the past year about to leave us and the upcoming year about to be infront of us, a thought came to mind when it comes to the new year versus the past year. As we look forward to 2010 do we not look to our past for what we went through, how we faced it, the mistakes we made, the regrets we might regret, or do we forget about the past and just move forward toward the future?? Is the new year about starting anew and wiping the slate clean, or is it about us learning from our past and continuing the journey ahead of us??? I have always wondered why the celebration of the new year is so important to us. It's not like we are reborn again every time we say goodbye to a past year and hello to the present/future year. Or is it like the movie "Ground Hogs Day" where we are meant to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until we learn that we cant forget nor ignore the past, nor can we have hopes and dreams for the future if we aren't willing to take the whole picture into account when the new year begins then we are doomed to make the same mistakes. In celebrating the New Year promise yourself one thing not to regret what you did or didn't do but to learn and grow from those experiences.

Happy New Year all, enjoy the life you have been given, be thankful for the people that you love and that love you, and always remember there is still time to make a change and make a difference you just have to be willing to do so.

The Birthday Surprise...

There are things that will arise
something like a wonderful surprise
there are things I love to say
have a wonderful and overwhelming birthday

You three were meant to meet
Separately you were in complete
Three intriguing ladies to bare
With so much beauty and lots of flare

The weekend went by so quick
And I know how much you love some Phick
This weekend we had so much fun
Next time it will be under the sun

I love you ladies so much more
Soon we will be heading to the door
We wont be able to stay away
So Mara, Megan, Suzzanne, have a great birthday

Annoyances

Why do the little things bug you so much
why to the silent things fall with your touch
Why do the big things piss you off
why do the funny things make you cough

Annoyances

Why does the sun shine so bright
Why does that ring sparkle in any given light
why does the grass look so green
Why does that man show up in every scene

Annoyances

Why does the earth spin so slow
Why does that girl seem to know
Why does me eyes want to cry
Why does that chicken need to fry

Annoyances

Why can't they see they are bugging me
Why does that boy not see my knee
Why cant I do my own thing
Why does that man not buy me my ring

Annoyances

I must admit this is silly and sad
I must admit I feel so bad
I must admit those people do annoy
I must admit I have found my joy

Annoyances

Birth -VS- Death

I was listening to the radio today and the song that was playing was talking about "how u should live like it's your last day before you die." And I got to thinking if it was my last day to live would I want to live like it's my last or like it was my very first. I mean I guess the song is saying you should live like you aren't dying even though you know you are dying. And for me most people that know they are dying tend to get their things in order before they die. They dont see the point in having the what if's hanging over their heads. Well, I wanted to truly get your opinion on this because do you live every day like it is your last - meaning you do the things that you never thought you would get a chance to do, and go for it by discovering all of that stuff that you would have time for. Or do you take a chance and look behind door number 2 and live life like it is your very first meaning instead of doing the things you thought you had time to do, by doing them. You live life through fresh eyes. You look at your like through fresh eyes and you explore it, like it is the very first time you have seen these things. Because regret is never a big part of those that are dying it usually ends up being about those left at what they regret not doing with you while you were alive. So here is something else for you to think about, how can you help those around you deal with the regret that is life when you are gone, when you are living like it is your very last day????