Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Faceless Beast

Anxiety is like a faceless stranger, it knocks on your door and becomes this unwanted guest that no matter how hard you try never seems to leave. He is this wondering shadow that attaches himself to your soul and grips you so tightly that you want to scream but you can't because you are being strangled from the inside out. You try to understand him, you try to manipulate him into believing that you have everything under control but he seems to know the truth. He hides within the core of your inner being and jumps out just because he can. The reason that so many suffer from anxiety isn't because they are weak, but because the faceless beast always seems to come to you in a surprise type of way. He is the gift that keeps on giving and no matter how many times you try to give that damn gift back his presence is still very much apart of you.

How can you survive when your inner core screams out for help, how do you go on when you are slowly being taken over by the faceless beast that holds more power to your survival then you thought possible? He has become that shadow in the distance that you try to avoid by putting on sun glasses, he is that noise in the back of your mind that you try to block out with loud music, he is the screams that keep you up at night that you try to fight off by pretending to sleep, for when you wake in the morning everything seems normal as can be, but he knows the truth. He knows that you are struggling to hold onto the sanity he allows you to have. He knows that you are not strong enough to fight him without the medicines of the world. He knows that one slip one day of feeling better is the advantage he needs to consume you all over again.

How can you be cured when there is no cure? The cure is you becoming stronger from the inside so that it can shine through to the out side. You become this ray of hope even though the depression of not being pulled under is so thick that you are in a fog and the high beams dont seem to work, and there are way too many obstacles in your way. You shout, you stomp your feet, and you cry. And that may elevate some of that strangle hold that the faceless beast has on you but he continues his fight for your life. And you continue to fight for your life and the ending...

Well ending is something I dont know since I am still struggle to stay afloat from my anxiety that has a hold on me, the faceless beast is a struggle that isnt just my demon to fight, the shadowy figure that disappears into the night air isnt just my faceless creature, but so many other face him too. Their ending is not the same as mine nor is their beginning but the struggle of this faceless demon, the beast that has a name of Anxiety, the creature that creeps up on you at any given moment is just like mine. We are a society of members in waiting. Waiting for that moment to be taken under, or that moment of clarity but either way, the faceless beast has a hold on me.