Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Divas...

My Divas
Are the women I surround myself with
They inspire me to be more then myself
They teach me to grab onto the things I want
And let go of the things/people I don't need
They show me the compassion it takes to achieve a goal
They hold me up with their love and all their blessings

My Divas
Make me smile when the smile has faded
Make me laugh when the laughter has gone
Make me stronger when the days make me weak
Make me whole when half of me is to unstable to survive
Make me feel when the feelings have dissolved
Make me cry when the tears need to be shed

My Divas
Are a sisterhood that can never be broken
Are a bond that can never be touched
Are a dream that can never be forgotten
Are a home that can never be dismantled
Are a family that can never loose its way
Are a lighthouse that can always show us the way

My Divas
Are strong, beautiful, intelligent, inspiring women that can never
be separated nor be broken because the bond that bonds us is something
more powerful then these words themselves but the LOVE we have for each other.

To all My Divas if I never say the words that tell you how I feel,
If I never show you the emotions that show you I truly care
If I forget to acknowledge you in anyway possible then remember these
simple, meaningful, and powerful words here today.
You are my Divas, the light in you will always shine brightly through me.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I am in this mood of late when it comes to certain things and I guess the thought for today right now at this particular moment is all about being blessed and counting my blessings. I am not the most easiest person to understand most of the time, and sometimes I have mood swings like no ones business and I guess that is because I get irritate about things and have the hardest time expressing it because I can't keep one idea in my head long of enough to express it. And the one major flaw that I seem to have is that I take those irritation out on others and not the people it is mostly directed out. It's not about a fear of hurting them or even a true need for them to know how I feel, but this true underlining need to of feeling unwanted. There are moments in time that the unwantedness consumes me and I have these explosive moments and its the hardest thing to explain to those that have never felt unwanted before.

I look around me all the time and I see these relationships between people and it amazes me how so many of us feel this big emptiness inside ourselves. It's like no matter how many friends you might have or how much family surrounds you, you can't get over this feeling of loneliness. You might be thinking to yourselves as you read this that I must be depressed or something, and I would have to tell you that, that is so far from the truth.

I have a group of wonderful ladies in my life that bring some much to my life that it would take more then one blog to tell you how truly blessed I feel to have them in my life. I am amazed that we could have met over the power of the world wide web and become so close so fast. It is truly a sisterhood of mixed personalities but at the same time, one untied personality and it really has nothing to do with our love for a soap or a soap couple. And in this group I look around and see how we still have this far away look in each and every one of our eyes. We all feel this overwhelming feeling of being unwanted. We don't have too talk about it to know it's there. It's the silence that connects us and helps us get through the fields of unwantedness. And as you read this you ask yourself how can a group of ladies the feel so unwanted at times that never speak about it now about it? It's simple it's because of the blessing of our bond that makes us each know what we are thinking when we are thinking it and why we never need to discuss it. It's hard to explain to others and most often our own families that no matter how much you surround us or love us, you can't control this feeling within us. It's nothing that they did or didn't do, and when I try to explain how sometimes I just want to be alone they think no you don't you need us around. When that isn't the truth, I need me around. And sometimes is something family members did that they don't even understand that they are doing. And when that happens the overwhelming need to feel wanted does kick in and it's not about how we feel but our need to make sure others never have to feel that way.

So if you are ever in a situation where you feel unwanted, never feel like you are standing alone, never feel like there is no place for you to turn too, because there is usually a group of great women in your life that feels the same way you do for so many different reasons. And always remember in that sea of silence between you and them your voices are being heard loud and clear.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

363 Days of Hell

I drive by a homeless man sitting on a bucket with a sign that says, "Will do anything for food for his family." I watch as the cars in front of me and behind me drive by like he doesn't exist. I roll down my window not afraid of what he might do but afraid that if I were in that situation I would too be sitting on that bucket watching as cars drive by looking through me not even at me. Do I exist once my love, my house, my job, my car, my dignity is gone? Do I believe that this is what God meant when he placed me on this earth to provide some type of guidance for myself and for those around me? You see I have lost the holiday spirit it has slowly been drained out of me by the selfishness of the world. How is it that we can find the holiday joy,the gratefulness, and compassion 2 days out of the year and the rest of that time be selfish individuals only looking out for #1? Was Darwin right when he said, "To eat or be eaten?" I wont believe that I wont believe that there aren't special angels put on this planet to show belief, heart, willingness, compassion, and sincerity to others just because. Why do we as human beings need a reason to be nice and show that homeless man or woman on the street corner just a little bit of compassion and give him/her their will to move forward? Why does it take two special days with the words "Thanks & Giving" or "Christ" to get us to just let go an open not only our wallets but our hearts to different causes, why can't we just be a nation of individuals helping out those around us because its the right thing to do? Don't get me wrong I can't always help but I try because if I were in that position I would hope that one person would take the time to see me as a person and not as a means to an end. 363 days of hell has broken this woman's spirit of what the holidays are truly supposed to be about. 363 days of hell has transformed the meaning of giving thanks to mean something sick and twisted. 363 days of hell will not kill the compassion in my heart, will not take away my spirit to live, and will make me grateful to my friends, family, and extended family. Because those 2 days of heaven are a illusion of what we are supposed to be grateful for. 363 days of hell will teach us all the true meaning behind the words "Human Being." 363 days of hell will shows us all that the heart, the love, and every breath that we take is the gift that we are supposed to be grateful for, is the gift we are supposed to treasure, and the gift that we are supposed to share with others. I will take my 363 days of hell and share it with those around me and remember what the true spirit of the holidays is about and not what they have turned into, will you do the same?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Silent Cries for Help...

I have always told myself that someone out there has it worse then me, whenever I get down and depressed about something, and most often I am never really depressed or wish that I could have a different life, because there is something about wishing, hoping, and having faith in it if you aren't willing to do anything about it. I look at hope as something that you yourself can achieve either now or in the near future so there really is a point to hope for it. But unless you hope for something and you don't put in the work that it takes to achieve, you have to ask yourself the question of "Why hope if you aren't going to do anything about it?" I look at having faith in it as something you yourself can believe in. If you don't believe in it, how can you have faith in it to help you when you need it or them the most? I know for a fact on a daily basis people suffer in silence, they think no one is there to hear their cries for help, they think by not voicing it that it will not affect them or the people around them Well I am here to tell you here and now that is not tru: in order for people to understand they have to you have to be willing to share, in order for you to heal you have to let them know. Life is way to short and unexpected for you to suffer in silence, voice those feelings and emotions, scream them from the roof tops, and who knows maybe you have the power to save someone life without realizing it. So I pose the question: Is it worth you suffering in silence if unknown souls share the same fears as you do????

Friday, November 13, 2009

The things we think about on a Daily Basis

Do we realize that on a daily basis we have so many thoughts, that we have the hardest time keeping track of any given thought that day. For instance as I was looking at the paper today as I do every morning all I could think about or the thought I was able to hold on to was, do I have everything ready for my Nephews party next weekend. I mean how is it that I can be trying to keep up to date on the current events but not have a thought about it because in that moment in time, during that early morning paper reading session I could careless about what I am reading. Maybe it has to do with the fact that those current events aren't directly affecting my life at the moment, maybe it is because I just don't need the hassle of worrying about something I have no control over, or maybe it's just that my mind isn't ready to handle what is going on in the world. So instead of focusing my energy on other thoughts during the day, I slip into a coma like state where the thoughts of that day circle and I have to reach out and grab on just to make sure that I am still focus on my life. How interesting that we go through life most of the time with so many cares in the world that we can 't keep track of all of them. So I pose this question: For all of you not just you creative types why is it that we feel as though we are only having one thought during any given day but we are having thousands of thoughts and just trying to hold onto one in any given moment?????