Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year

With the past year about to leave us and the upcoming year about to be infront of us, a thought came to mind when it comes to the new year versus the past year. As we look forward to 2010 do we not look to our past for what we went through, how we faced it, the mistakes we made, the regrets we might regret, or do we forget about the past and just move forward toward the future?? Is the new year about starting anew and wiping the slate clean, or is it about us learning from our past and continuing the journey ahead of us??? I have always wondered why the celebration of the new year is so important to us. It's not like we are reborn again every time we say goodbye to a past year and hello to the present/future year. Or is it like the movie "Ground Hogs Day" where we are meant to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until we learn that we cant forget nor ignore the past, nor can we have hopes and dreams for the future if we aren't willing to take the whole picture into account when the new year begins then we are doomed to make the same mistakes. In celebrating the New Year promise yourself one thing not to regret what you did or didn't do but to learn and grow from those experiences.

Happy New Year all, enjoy the life you have been given, be thankful for the people that you love and that love you, and always remember there is still time to make a change and make a difference you just have to be willing to do so.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Birthday Surprise...

There are things that will arise
something like a wonderful surprise
there are things I love to say
have a wonderful and overwhelming birthday

You three were meant to meet
Separately you were in complete
Three intriguing ladies to bare
With so much beauty and lots of flare

The weekend went by so quick
And I know how much you love some Phick
This weekend we had so much fun
Next time it will be under the sun

I love you ladies so much more
Soon we will be heading to the door
We wont be able to stay away
So Mara, Megan, Suzzanne, have a great birthday

Monday, December 14, 2009


Why do the little things bug you so much
why to the silent things fall with your touch
Why do the big things piss you off
why do the funny things make you cough


Why does the sun shine so bright
Why does that ring sparkle in any given light
why does the grass look so green
Why does that man show up in every scene


Why does the earth spin so slow
Why does that girl seem to know
Why does me eyes want to cry
Why does that chicken need to fry


Why can't they see they are bugging me
Why does that boy not see my knee
Why cant I do my own thing
Why does that man not buy me my ring


I must admit this is silly and sad
I must admit I feel so bad
I must admit those people do annoy
I must admit I have found my joy


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Birth -VS- Death

I was listening to the radio today and the song that was playing was talking about "how u should live like it's your last day before you die." And I got to thinking if it was my last day to live would I want to live like it's my last or like it was my very first. I mean I guess the song is saying you should live like you aren't dying even though you know you are dying. And for me most people that know they are dying tend to get their things in order before they die. They dont see the point in having the what if's hanging over their heads. Well, I wanted to truly get your opinion on this because do you live every day like it is your last - meaning you do the things that you never thought you would get a chance to do, and go for it by discovering all of that stuff that you would have time for. Or do you take a chance and look behind door number 2 and live life like it is your very first meaning instead of doing the things you thought you had time to do, by doing them. You live life through fresh eyes. You look at your like through fresh eyes and you explore it, like it is the very first time you have seen these things. Because regret is never a big part of those that are dying it usually ends up being about those left at what they regret not doing with you while you were alive. So here is something else for you to think about, how can you help those around you deal with the regret that is life when you are gone, when you are living like it is your very last day????

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Why Do we Need the T's of the World....

Why do we need the T's of the world??? Well, for some that might be the most difficult question to answer, but for me it is the most simplest. We need the T's of the world to help us reach our true potential, we need them to inspire us to be more then just our limitations, we need them to show us another path when we least expect it. Because without them we might be pondering what should I do next without a clue as to how to achieve it. The T's of the world are truly special people sent to some of us, to hold our hands through the transition of life. When they think we are ready they let us go but they are never to far behind to catch us. I call them special guardians because the T's of the world seem to know just what you need without having to say it, and the best part about them is they are with you for life. And for some one like me, I feel very honored and priveleged to have them in my life. So I just want to take this time to Thank the "T's" of the world because without them I might have lost my inspiration and would have been looking in the wrong spot to find it.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Bell Bells

I ponder as I rub my eye
How come I could not fly
I ask my self on a give day
How can I stay far away

I look into that little face
And see the brightness of my grace
I look at her beautiful smile
And wish I could stay awhile

I feel her little hands on my skin
And see the love she has within
I kiss her softly on the cheek
And laugh and play hide and seek

We sing, we dance, we count the sheep
We laugh, we cry, we fall asleep
She looks at me and proposes
Lets go smell the roses

We look at pictures as we go
And she knows I can't tell her no no
We go to the beach and see the shells
I kiss, I hug, my Bell Bells

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Silent Voice

I didn't hear that big ole yelp
When you didn't hound me for my help
I didn't witnessed all your fears
When I saw the sorrow and the tears

I didn't see your sign that May
When I drove by to end the day
Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring
What will tomorrow bring

How can this world be so blind
When all I see makes me loose my mind
How do I go on with this choice
When you seem to have no fighting voice

How do you deal with all this pain
Through the thunder and the rain
How do you pick yourself up
When all you have is that paper cup

Is it worth this turmoil and the sorrow
To get up and back on the street tomorrow
There is nothing more I can say
But I promise to donate my time everyday

Where Did the Soul Go...

Where Did the Soul Go

He was laying next to me last night
He was talking to me in the morning
He was on the phone with me this afternoon
He was at dinner with me tonight

Where Did the Soul Go

He left me wondering if I would ever see him again
He left me wondering if I left him at home
He left me wondering if I needed to go get him
He left me wondering if I would ever love again

Where Did the Soul Go

Was he in the phone that just started to ring
Was he in the TV I watched last night
Was he in the CD that I heard this morning
Was he in the picture sitting on my desk

Where Did the Soul Go

He must be in the bathroom with the door closed
He must be in the car on his way home
He must be in the grave yard with the headstone
He must be waiting on me to find him

Where Did the Soul Go

He seems to be within the walls of our house
He seems to be within the the air that I breathe
He seems to be within the love that we once shared
He seems to be within the memories that I will never forget

Where Did the Soul Go

In a few words I can tell you where
In a few words I can hold him near
In a few words he never left me
In a few words in my heart he will always be

Where Did the Soul Go!!!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Divas...

My Divas
Are the women I surround myself with
They inspire me to be more then myself
They teach me to grab onto the things I want
And let go of the things/people I don't need
They show me the compassion it takes to achieve a goal
They hold me up with their love and all their blessings

My Divas
Make me smile when the smile has faded
Make me laugh when the laughter has gone
Make me stronger when the days make me weak
Make me whole when half of me is to unstable to survive
Make me feel when the feelings have dissolved
Make me cry when the tears need to be shed

My Divas
Are a sisterhood that can never be broken
Are a bond that can never be touched
Are a dream that can never be forgotten
Are a home that can never be dismantled
Are a family that can never loose its way
Are a lighthouse that can always show us the way

My Divas
Are strong, beautiful, intelligent, inspiring women that can never
be separated nor be broken because the bond that bonds us is something
more powerful then these words themselves but the LOVE we have for each other.

To all My Divas if I never say the words that tell you how I feel,
If I never show you the emotions that show you I truly care
If I forget to acknowledge you in anyway possible then remember these
simple, meaningful, and powerful words here today.
You are my Divas, the light in you will always shine brightly through me.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I am in this mood of late when it comes to certain things and I guess the thought for today right now at this particular moment is all about being blessed and counting my blessings. I am not the most easiest person to understand most of the time, and sometimes I have mood swings like no ones business and I guess that is because I get irritate about things and have the hardest time expressing it because I can't keep one idea in my head long of enough to express it. And the one major flaw that I seem to have is that I take those irritation out on others and not the people it is mostly directed out. It's not about a fear of hurting them or even a true need for them to know how I feel, but this true underlining need to of feeling unwanted. There are moments in time that the unwantedness consumes me and I have these explosive moments and its the hardest thing to explain to those that have never felt unwanted before.

I look around me all the time and I see these relationships between people and it amazes me how so many of us feel this big emptiness inside ourselves. It's like no matter how many friends you might have or how much family surrounds you, you can't get over this feeling of loneliness. You might be thinking to yourselves as you read this that I must be depressed or something, and I would have to tell you that, that is so far from the truth.

I have a group of wonderful ladies in my life that bring some much to my life that it would take more then one blog to tell you how truly blessed I feel to have them in my life. I am amazed that we could have met over the power of the world wide web and become so close so fast. It is truly a sisterhood of mixed personalities but at the same time, one untied personality and it really has nothing to do with our love for a soap or a soap couple. And in this group I look around and see how we still have this far away look in each and every one of our eyes. We all feel this overwhelming feeling of being unwanted. We don't have too talk about it to know it's there. It's the silence that connects us and helps us get through the fields of unwantedness. And as you read this you ask yourself how can a group of ladies the feel so unwanted at times that never speak about it now about it? It's simple it's because of the blessing of our bond that makes us each know what we are thinking when we are thinking it and why we never need to discuss it. It's hard to explain to others and most often our own families that no matter how much you surround us or love us, you can't control this feeling within us. It's nothing that they did or didn't do, and when I try to explain how sometimes I just want to be alone they think no you don't you need us around. When that isn't the truth, I need me around. And sometimes is something family members did that they don't even understand that they are doing. And when that happens the overwhelming need to feel wanted does kick in and it's not about how we feel but our need to make sure others never have to feel that way.

So if you are ever in a situation where you feel unwanted, never feel like you are standing alone, never feel like there is no place for you to turn too, because there is usually a group of great women in your life that feels the same way you do for so many different reasons. And always remember in that sea of silence between you and them your voices are being heard loud and clear.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

363 Days of Hell

I drive by a homeless man sitting on a bucket with a sign that says, "Will do anything for food for his family." I watch as the cars in front of me and behind me drive by like he doesn't exist. I roll down my window not afraid of what he might do but afraid that if I were in that situation I would too be sitting on that bucket watching as cars drive by looking through me not even at me. Do I exist once my love, my house, my job, my car, my dignity is gone? Do I believe that this is what God meant when he placed me on this earth to provide some type of guidance for myself and for those around me? You see I have lost the holiday spirit it has slowly been drained out of me by the selfishness of the world. How is it that we can find the holiday joy,the gratefulness, and compassion 2 days out of the year and the rest of that time be selfish individuals only looking out for #1? Was Darwin right when he said, "To eat or be eaten?" I wont believe that I wont believe that there aren't special angels put on this planet to show belief, heart, willingness, compassion, and sincerity to others just because. Why do we as human beings need a reason to be nice and show that homeless man or woman on the street corner just a little bit of compassion and give him/her their will to move forward? Why does it take two special days with the words "Thanks & Giving" or "Christ" to get us to just let go an open not only our wallets but our hearts to different causes, why can't we just be a nation of individuals helping out those around us because its the right thing to do? Don't get me wrong I can't always help but I try because if I were in that position I would hope that one person would take the time to see me as a person and not as a means to an end. 363 days of hell has broken this woman's spirit of what the holidays are truly supposed to be about. 363 days of hell has transformed the meaning of giving thanks to mean something sick and twisted. 363 days of hell will not kill the compassion in my heart, will not take away my spirit to live, and will make me grateful to my friends, family, and extended family. Because those 2 days of heaven are a illusion of what we are supposed to be grateful for. 363 days of hell will teach us all the true meaning behind the words "Human Being." 363 days of hell will shows us all that the heart, the love, and every breath that we take is the gift that we are supposed to be grateful for, is the gift we are supposed to treasure, and the gift that we are supposed to share with others. I will take my 363 days of hell and share it with those around me and remember what the true spirit of the holidays is about and not what they have turned into, will you do the same?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Silent Cries for Help...

I have always told myself that someone out there has it worse then me, whenever I get down and depressed about something, and most often I am never really depressed or wish that I could have a different life, because there is something about wishing, hoping, and having faith in it if you aren't willing to do anything about it. I look at hope as something that you yourself can achieve either now or in the near future so there really is a point to hope for it. But unless you hope for something and you don't put in the work that it takes to achieve, you have to ask yourself the question of "Why hope if you aren't going to do anything about it?" I look at having faith in it as something you yourself can believe in. If you don't believe in it, how can you have faith in it to help you when you need it or them the most? I know for a fact on a daily basis people suffer in silence, they think no one is there to hear their cries for help, they think by not voicing it that it will not affect them or the people around them Well I am here to tell you here and now that is not tru: in order for people to understand they have to you have to be willing to share, in order for you to heal you have to let them know. Life is way to short and unexpected for you to suffer in silence, voice those feelings and emotions, scream them from the roof tops, and who knows maybe you have the power to save someone life without realizing it. So I pose the question: Is it worth you suffering in silence if unknown souls share the same fears as you do????

Friday, November 13, 2009

The things we think about on a Daily Basis

Do we realize that on a daily basis we have so many thoughts, that we have the hardest time keeping track of any given thought that day. For instance as I was looking at the paper today as I do every morning all I could think about or the thought I was able to hold on to was, do I have everything ready for my Nephews party next weekend. I mean how is it that I can be trying to keep up to date on the current events but not have a thought about it because in that moment in time, during that early morning paper reading session I could careless about what I am reading. Maybe it has to do with the fact that those current events aren't directly affecting my life at the moment, maybe it is because I just don't need the hassle of worrying about something I have no control over, or maybe it's just that my mind isn't ready to handle what is going on in the world. So instead of focusing my energy on other thoughts during the day, I slip into a coma like state where the thoughts of that day circle and I have to reach out and grab on just to make sure that I am still focus on my life. How interesting that we go through life most of the time with so many cares in the world that we can 't keep track of all of them. So I pose this question: For all of you not just you creative types why is it that we feel as though we are only having one thought during any given day but we are having thousands of thoughts and just trying to hold onto one in any given moment?????