Unwanted...

I am in this mood of late when it comes to certain things and I guess the thought for today right now at this particular moment is all about being blessed and counting my blessings. I am not the most easiest person to understand most of the time, and sometimes I have mood swings like no ones business and I guess that is because I get irritate about things and have the hardest time expressing it because I can't keep one idea in my head long of enough to express it. And the one major flaw that I seem to have is that I take those irritation out on others and not the people it is mostly directed out. It's not about a fear of hurting them or even a true need for them to know how I feel, but this true underlining need to of feeling unwanted. There are moments in time that the unwantedness consumes me and I have these explosive moments and its the hardest thing to explain to those that have never felt unwanted before.

I look around me all the time and I see these relationships between people and it amazes me how so many of us feel this big emptiness inside ourselves. It's like no matter how many friends you might have or how much family surrounds you, you can't get over this feeling of loneliness. You might be thinking to yourselves as you read this that I must be depressed or something, and I would have to tell you that, that is so far from the truth.

I have a group of wonderful ladies in my life that bring some much to my life that it would take more then one blog to tell you how truly blessed I feel to have them in my life. I am amazed that we could have met over the power of the world wide web and become so close so fast. It is truly a sisterhood of mixed personalities but at the same time, one untied personality and it really has nothing to do with our love for a soap or a soap couple. And in this group I look around and see how we still have this far away look in each and every one of our eyes. We all feel this overwhelming feeling of being unwanted. We don't have too talk about it to know it's there. It's the silence that connects us and helps us get through the fields of unwantedness. And as you read this you ask yourself how can a group of ladies the feel so unwanted at times that never speak about it now about it? It's simple it's because of the blessing of our bond that makes us each know what we are thinking when we are thinking it and why we never need to discuss it. It's hard to explain to others and most often our own families that no matter how much you surround us or love us, you can't control this feeling within us. It's nothing that they did or didn't do, and when I try to explain how sometimes I just want to be alone they think no you don't you need us around. When that isn't the truth, I need me around. And sometimes is something family members did that they don't even understand that they are doing. And when that happens the overwhelming need to feel wanted does kick in and it's not about how we feel but our need to make sure others never have to feel that way.

So if you are ever in a situation where you feel unwanted, never feel like you are standing alone, never feel like there is no place for you to turn too, because there is usually a group of great women in your life that feels the same way you do for so many different reasons. And always remember in that sea of silence between you and them your voices are being heard loud and clear.